Top 10 Midlife Holiday Survival Guide
We all have our coping methods over the holidays. Some drink a little more, some eat a little more, and some sleep a little more. Me? I’ve got two simple requirements:
Watch White Christmas alone or in the company of others at least once - I love the music, the storyline, all of it.
Watch National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation for reasons I’ll share below.
Aside from these simple pleasures, I’ve also filed away a list of tips I’ve applied to my annual self-help marathon around the holidays. Maybe you’ll find it useful. Or maybe you’ve got a couple amendments you’re willing to share…
Forget Martha
I’m not knocking Martha Stewart - I used to worship the woman’s magazines and tips. But around the holidays, her perfectly perfect everything makes me feel like A Bad Moms Christmas is bound to have a sequel at my house.
If you find yourself stressing over every decoration and light bulb being in its perfect spot.
If you find yourself striving to make the most epic and memorable holiday tradition or party.
And if you find yourself never feeling good about a single thing you’re doing right around the holidays.
STOP!
Martha has a team of professionals that make every little thing she does look good. You are only one person. Forget Martha. This ain’t the era of The Cleavers.
If it was, there would need to be way more booze and pills involved…
2. Eat What You Love
I’ve found there are usually two kinds of people in this world:
People who live to eat
People who eat to live
I respect both of these people equally. They have every right to their methods of consumption, but nothing infuriates me more than those who try to impose their values on others. If you want to eat that extra cookie because it’s something you only have access to or let yourself eat once a year, go for it. If you want to resist it because you’ve got a party and a hot dress you want to fit into, great! But don’t let the pressures of others and how and why they choose to fill their gullet around the holidays make you feel less-than or inferior.
Do your thing. Follow your gut. The quantity and quality of what you feed your temple makes no difference to anyone else. It effects them zilch, nada, not a damn bit. Eat what brings you joy. Eat to live. Live to eat. Whatever floats your boat. Just please do it with equal bouts of enthusiasm and humble pie. Nobody likes a show off. In some parts of the world, you can get roasted and eaten for practices like that…
3. Find Your Inner Child
Somewhere between college and parenthood I think most of us bought into the idea that the holidays and all the magic are for kids.
Says who, though?
Midlife doesn’t have to be about doom and gloom. It doesn’t have to be about midlife crisis either. If anything, it’s the boost of energy - that zap into the conscious that life is short so get busy making the most of what you’ve got left.
Finding that inner child within can be so relieving. It can remind us of the simplest of joys - the process or journey, not the destination.
Make those cutout cookies like a child would - imperfect yet with your whole heart. Decorate your tree or house with things that bring you joy, not the way Hallmark or Martha or whatever magazine designer recommends.
Be you. Love you. Your inner child will be forever grateful…
Remember that your inner child needs to come out and play sometimes.
4. Serve
This time of year can bring out the best and worst in us all. We strive for perfection, validation, and appreciation at a time when selflessness really is at the root. Find a cause that’s meaningful to you - one that doesn’t have your name or picture tied to it - and give of yourself not out of obligation, but because now more than ever your time and purpose on this earth is precious.
Giving money is certainly good, but it’s the easy way out. So is buying gifts from the anonymous Wishing Trees. Instead, try to connect with other humans - volunteer at a soup kitchen, chat with a homeless person on the street, pass out survival supply bags of soap, snacks, and water to people in need. Look these individuals in the eye. Their humanness will be just the dose of humility and inner peace your soul will need.
“Small acts, when multiplied by millions of people, can transform the world.”
5. Explore The Art of Gift Giving
When my sister-in-law turned 40, I was fretful of what to get her. She’s not a collector of things and while my husband and I hope to one day have the opportunity to buy her something (or send her somewhere) lavish and beautiful to thank her for all her generous gestures and love and support over the years, we weren’t in a position to do so at the time with 3 young kiddos and a tight budget to wrestle with. Determined to find or do something meaningful, my husband, myself, and the kids each wrote 10 things we love about her on 10 slips of paper, folded them, and then deposited them into a nice jar. Those 40 little love notes were her favorite gift that year, and considering how embarrassed and slightly ashamed I felt in giving her something so simple, I learned a vital lesson - gifts aren’t about the size or price tag. They’re about how they make a person feel.
Touching one’s soul and connecting on an emotional level, strengthens a bond more than a generic gift ever could. Take the time to think about the gift you’re giving someone - do you have a memory with them that inspired the purchase of it? Does it symbolize something? And does it make you smile when you imagine their face when they open it? The art of gift giving isn’t for the faint of heart. It takes time, effort, and a lot of thought, but it’s worth it - for the receiver and the giver.
6. Surround Yourself With Light
Every year we watch National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. It makes me laugh till tears stream down my face because it’s something I can relate to - the craziness the holidays can bring even the most picture perfect family.
But at midlife, I came to this realization: no matter how bright my inner light might shine, someone else might bring their darkness and go to great lengths to snuff it out.
Now, I refuse to let anyone - family, friend, or foe - bring stress and anguish to my realm. My light is going to shine with or without them anyway, might as well surround light with light, and let darkness be dark.
7. Make Your Own Memories
I love traditions. They make every holiday extra special - the annual cookie swap, friendsgiving, family pajama party. But for a time, I felt it was my job to try and recreate a tradition just because it was tradition, not because it was something meaningful or close to my heart.
Over the years I’ve made it a point to make my own memories with my family. We do things that draw us closer and make us feel good together. During the 8 Days of Hanukkah we get matching festive pjs, have a madlib night, host a latke party, exchange a Secret Santa-like version of a Mystery Maccabee, and make several other annual holiday traditions. Christmas morning we pop open a can of store-bought cinnamon rolls after we open presents. The point is they’re our memories. Find the things that matter most to your family - pictures, trip-taking, fun-runs, whatever it is, and do that. You’ll appreciate more than any magazine write-up ever could.
8. Laugh A lot
Every year something silly or hilarious winds up happening. Like, the year Christmas morning when we were skiing and there was so much snow, a friend and I got stuck up to our hips in it and spent an hour digging each other out. We were exhausted after, but boy have we gotten great laughs out of that memory!
The holidays can be chaotic, hectic, exhausting, or an absolute nightmare, but if you can find something funny about it, humor can dull the emotional pain. Or at least distract you from it. Harness those funnies. They’re the best medicine.
9. Limit Your Crazy
Most of us are guilty of obsessing over something in the thick of the season. Maybe it’s the lights. Or the tree. Or the food. But it’s important to not let yourself get so obsessed with any one thing that you forget why you’re even celebrating your holiday in the first place. Giving yourself permission to have a little crazy is fine - it fuels the funny memories. But going all out for a National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation sequel, just isn’t good for anyone. When you catch yourself panicking or stressing over something to a point where even you don’t want to be around you, it’s time to let that crazy go.
Close your eyes, clear your heart, and take a deep breath.
It’s better to let go of something than to hold on to nothing.
10. Forgive Yourself
Every year I have a “plan.” It’s perfect in my mind - the way I picture the house, children, family, and friends. And yet every year somehow, something always unravels or falls short. Pre-midlife, I use to beat myself up about it.
“Why couldn’t have done it right this go around?”
“Maybe if I did XYZ, it could have been better.”
“I need to talk to so-and-so. According to her pictures and posts, clearly she knows what she’s doing.”
Now? Fuck. That. Noise. I’ve come to expect that every year I’m going to make a mistake, forget something, or fall just short of achieving my impeccable vision. I’m no saint, martyr, or Martha-wanna-be. I’m human. And when I screw up? I give myself the same grace and compassion I give others. I forgive.
This year, and throughout every year moving forward, forgive yourself. You’re only human and you’ll find err in all you do. What’s most important though, is that you tried. That’s what the holidays are all about anyway. Trying to do and be good to any and all.
What are your survival tips?
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