My Mood Swings and Menopause
I used to think mood swings were a byproduct of one of three things: PMS, mental illness, or Mercury being in retrograde.
Then, I hit perimenopause.
At any given moment, little irritants of my husband and kids become outright attacks of guerrilla warfare. On the off chance I check myself and keep from reacting, I retreat to a locked bathroom, bedroom, closet, or pantry.
“What’s wrong with these people?! Can’t they see I am exhausted, busy, in a funk, slowly dying, and/or over their shit today?”
Eventually though, I talk myself down to defcon 2 and rejoin the group. It’s not their fault. The kids are too young to understand and my husband doesn’t have the parts or hormones to relate.
What they need to do is try applying these methods to a middle age woman who started her family later and entered menopause earlier.
“What you need to do is get some exercise, eat healthier foods, let go of stress, and get enough sleep,” doctors and specialists say.
What they need to do is try applying any one of those methods to a middle age woman who started her family later and entered menopause earlier than average. I’m pretty sure their study results would come back slightly different.
Exercise has been something I’ve tried to practice daily. Mostly for the sake of keeping the dogs exhausted enough so I don’t have to hear their incessant whining day and night. But also because when I see a hint of flab in my arms or middle, I panic at the likely slowing of my metabolism.
I try to incorporate walking, sprinting, weight lifting, and ab workouts in my weekly routines. And sometimes I get a good groove for a spell. Until exhaustion or the kids or stress takes precedent and my body’s reset button defaults again.
letting go of stress is like communism or news years resolutions, in theory it sounds attractive and obtainable, until put into practice.
Healthy eating is a lovely idea. And if we’re comparing my diet to most, I probably fall under the category of a health-nut or healthier than average eater. Here’s my usual weekly menu:
Mondays - rice and a veggie stir fry or soup and salad
Tuesdays -salmon and two to three green veggies
Wednesdays - pasta with marinara, pesto, or Parmesan and fresh green beans
Thursdays - homemade vegan burgers and roasted veg and salad
Fridays - vegan pizza (for me not my husband and kids) or sushi and edamame
Saturdays and Sundays - some version of left overs, tuna melts, and/or soups
Snacks aren’t too bad either: chips and salsa, nuts, popcorn and fruit. And with 3 young kids, everyone either eats my meals or I make a slightly more kid-friendly version since their diets aren’t nearly as restrictive.
Day in and out I keep as close to this diet as possible and about 80% of the time I succeed, but holy hell does it feel impossible with kids and husband and lack of options beyond our home kitchen. I try though and that should count for something.
I laugh at the suggestion to let go of stress though. I suppose in a perfect world with no financial, work-related, or child rearing dilemmas, it’d be possible, but to me letting go of stress is like communism or news years resolutions; in theory it sounds attractive and obtainable until put into practice.
As for getting enough sleep, on a mood swing-day, I’d like to strangle the doctors and researches behind these studies. Don’t they remember one of the top side effects of menopause and midlife for women are insomnia and sleep disturbances?
We’ve spend so much of our lives focusing on others, we forget ourselves. Until we realize our tanks are empty.
But these professionals are simply trying to help us survive perimenopause. I should be grateful. Through their help I was able to compile these sleep tips for midlife women.
The truth is mood swings in menopause and midlife are just part of the process. We can treat the symptoms and do our best to avoid or minimize the murderous episodes, but it rarely can be done in one fell swoop.
We’ve spent so much of our lives focusing our attention and tending to outward needs: pleasing or at least being accepted into the folds of our parents, siblings, teachers, classmates, bosses, spouses, children, and society. Until we realize our tanks are empty. We forgot ourselves.
Mood swings are like the flashing orange light on the dashboard warning us to stop and refuel.
So, we spend a few years focusing more inward than ever. We reflect on our needs and wants for the next chapter of our lives. We take note of all the times we didn’t prioritize ourselves as an important or integral person to take care of along the way. Hopefully after, our ability to love and care and be present for our loved ones and the world around us will be more balanced, productive, and meaningful in the long term.
I’m in the lower quadrants of the learning curve of midlife.
Until then, I’m in the lower quadrants of the learning curve of midlife. If mood swings were a batting cage, I’d probably be the one you’d find all bloody and bruised from the balls I’ve missed, but at least I’m still here. At least I’m showing up.
Deep down I know the unpredictability of my present state of mood swings aren’t about PMS, mental health, or a planet in retrograde. This is just part of a woman’s life cycle, a journey.
To put it simply, This is just about me, midlife, and menopause. mood swings are just a byproduct…
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